Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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