remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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