do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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