it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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