Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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