We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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