It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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