He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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