This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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