Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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