Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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