matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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