i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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