I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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