life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize