go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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