dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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