glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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