I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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