Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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