look no pants
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize