his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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