how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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