3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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