I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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