I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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