Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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