If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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