K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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