Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
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i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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