I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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