I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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