theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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