I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize