Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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