porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize