I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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