Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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