I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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