she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I deserve this hangover.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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