I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize