I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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