I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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