Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize