My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize