So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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