I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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