I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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