the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize