I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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